17 Weeks Pregnant

Hi everyone! I created this blog quite a while ago, just haven't sat down and started writing. So here I am 17 weeks pregnant, and have not really written a thing. Of course I have the occasional mini journal post on how I am feeling physically be it nausea, fatigue, etc; or just small comments on my mood and thoughts. I have not yet sat down to really write how I feel. As you know, when you are pregnant, you have thoughts swimming in your head all day about nearly everything: how am I going to decorate the nursery, will I be a good mom, am I ready for this?, do we have enough money?, I can't wait to see my baby's first smile, are the cats going to be OK around the little one?, am I eating right?, I can't wait for our next prenatal appointment, how are we going to raise this impressionable little person?, etc. These among what seem like hundreds of other thoughts fill your head, and its no wonder they say that a pregnant woman forgets things and gets sidetracked.
I catch myself nearly everyday "zoning out" while sitting down talking to my husband online, or trying to read an article, or making a to-do list. When I "snap out of it" so to speak, I sometimes forget what it was that I was doing. I have to say my best moment was when I was doing laundry a month or so back. I had fallen into my routine of bringing some clothes down, putting the wet ones in the dryer, the new ones in the washer leaving the basket in front of the machines, then after taking the dry ones upstairs, brought down another load for the washer. I went down to change a load (with a thought in my head) , brought the dry clothes upstairs and started folding them. Because there were no more loads I didn't have to go back downstairs until the last load was done drying. I was still deep in my thought when all of a sudden it hit me...did I ever start the dryer? I went downstairs, dryer wasn't running so I turned it on, and went back upstairs. About 45 min later, the buzzer sounded so I went downstairs with my basket, opened the dryer and...it was empty. I had completely forgotten to put the clothes in there. Oy! I had a good laugh with that one. The whole point is, we do silly, crazy things when we have this much stuff on our minds to think about. It is no longer about us and what we do with our day, its about planning for a adorable but major adjustment to our lives. I always thought that I worried too much about things; but now I start to wonder if I am worrying enough. I am so afraid of forgetting to do something or think of something that is going to be crucial for at least the next five or so months until the baby is born...I haven't even gotten to all that is going to happen and be items to worry about then.
I have spent hours and days looking at pages and pages of baby websites, signed up and get emails from three of them, and trying to take in as much as I can. It's exhausting! LOL. I have spent hours looking at nursery decorating websites; and trying to put together a registry, which I can say personally can be frustrating when you have no idea what you need. This of course brings up one of the thoughts that come to my mind every day...how are we going to afford all of this? I have been looking at ways to save money, whether it be looking at overstock.com and similar websites, to finding how-to ideas so that I can make some of the things we need. I have been saving/downloading tons of do-it-yourself ideas, crochet patterns for baby clothes and toys, and pictures of other people's nursery decorations. We have yet to decided on a scheme; we have no color, no theme, nothing. I am the most undecided person I know, and now because its not for me, I am a whole lot worse. I keep thinking...will this baby ,once she/he has gotten a little older, like what mommy and daddy have decided on for their room? It's a good thing I started looking at ideas early...maybe this way we will have it picked out in time. I am such a procrastinator that we will be lucky if we have everything ready on time. I don't even have my first midwife appointment until I am 18 weeks. Didn't see the doctor until I was 12 weeks.
When Corey and I went to the doctor when I was 12 weeks, we got to hear the heartbeat for the first time. WOW!!! It was one of those speechless moments. I couldn't believe how incredible that sounded. Not because it was a heartbeat, but because that came from inside me; I had a life inside of me. A huge moment of reality hit me. I knew before that moment that I was pregnant, but up to that moment all I had memory wise were my frequent trips to the bathroom for one reason or another, terrible nausea, and a complete lack of energy; might as well have been the flu. But at that moment, it all changed. I was not just a newly pregnant woman with the "sickness" (in my case it was not just morning sickness, it was an all day thing), but I was a woman carrying a precious cargo inside her; a mother. On the trip home Corey and I talked about an idea we had about recording the heartbeat as time goes on (because it gets slower) and making it the background to a song; a song Corey can write for/about the baby. The heartbeat will get slower and end with the first cry at birth. It will all be personal and real: our baby. No synthetic, pre-recorded sounds. Our baby's actual heartbeat and cry. I can't wait! Now all we have to do is remember to record the sounds...lol. We get so excited (OK, I get so excited) that I forget things when I am walking out the door, and then remember halfway to our destination.
Our first midwife appointment is next Monday, so I will keep you updated on that. Not sure really what to expect. Speaking of that I need to call my midwife Nancy. (Made a quick note) Hopefully not long after that we will have our first ultrasound. I cannot wait to see that image of our little one...and hopefully she/he will cooperate and reveal a gender. All we want is a healthy baby, but of course we have our guesses. For a while there we both thought boy, but lately I have been feeling girl. Either way we will be truly grateful and feel blessed!
Starting last week (Tuesday), Corey and I got to feel the baby for the first time. I thought I had felt it earlier in the day, but I wasn't sure. Later that evening, Corey put his head on my abdomen and started talking to the baby. We both felt a kick or such and his head shot up. That was incredible! Since then I have been feeling the baby move every day. Some days more than others, but every day. We definitely have an active baby. Like right now I have felt some "jabs". I read on websites that at this stage they are like fluttering sensations...yeah okay, totally not just fluttering around. I was told by an older friend that I will probably be one of the women that feels everything, if I can already feel that. I guess that will be both wonderful, and not so wonderful...depending on timing and strength. I look forward to it though. It is nice to feel this little person inside of me moving around. Makes it all the more real at those times when you get lost in the day. I get sidetracked now, even from previous "sidetracked" thoughts. Movement takes precedent over thoughts. I will be standing at a checkout line, the baby will move, and I forget that I am in line. I just smile at the cashier, and don't really worry about what the people behind me are thinking: I am enjoying these moments.
Now, before I go on forever, because I know I could, I am going to just say a little bit about how I am feeling, post a picture (not a good one) but the only one I have, and wrap this up. I always have other posts. The nausea has pretty much gone except for a small bit here and there. I have started getting my energy back minus the past two days...baby growth spurt I think, and I am overall very happy. I am excited, nervous, anxious, thrilled, worried, amazed, scared, and at times speechless. But all in all, I know that everything will be OK because I know that God is watching out for Corey and I, and our little one. Without faith and trust in a wonderful God, and my loving husband, I don't know where I would be.